It’s my favorite night of the year. The NBA Draft. I love the suits, the intrigue and of course the gambling. I planned to write this long column today and then last night at 11PM my wife called and said she had broken both ankles and needed me to pick her up at the hospital near her campsite, an hour away. I tried to explain the significance of the term ‘breaking ankles’ to her but she didn’t think it was funny. And then we spent all day at Zoomcare where she missed her 10AM appointment by 5 minutes and they made her re-schedule to 1:30PM. Then, they made us leave the office from 12-1 because they all go on lunch and “it would be a liability” if we left you alone in the office.
I’ll tell you what’s a liability… leaving a woman with two broken ankles on the street outside your office because you’re too heartless to stay with us on your precious Taco Bell fajitas lunch break. All this while I’m trying to follow Woj bombs and place bets on the NBA draft. Anyway, long story short, my wife has a broken right ankle and a severely sprained left ankle and these are my best bets for the 2023 NBA Draft:
Keyonte George over 13.5: He was horrible the later part of the college season and while they say it was injury related I say it was because he looked tentative and can’t shoot very well from the perimeter. It’s not gonna get better with NBA level athletes guarding him.
Cason Wallace over 12.5: He’s aa great on-the-ball defender but he also can’t shoot or beat anyone off the dribble.
Jordan Hawkins to get drafted before Keyonte George: Fading George is a theme here. If the NBA really vaues shooting, and it does, a team has to take Hawkins, arguably the best shooter in this draft, well before George.
Jalen Hood-Schifino to get drafted before Jett Howard: When I first saw this bet, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Seriously? Howard was so bad the last half of the season. He didn’t look like anything remotely resembling an NBA player. He reminded me of skinny Boston Jr. (CLippers) who ha yet to prove he even belongs in the league. Hood-Schifino can run a team, or at least the second unit of a team.
Amen to go before the other Thompson twin: Has anyone compared these twins to the original music group the Thompson Twins? I’m sure some nerdy white guy has, right? If not, I’m hoping someone will pay me to do it.
Jarace Walker over 5.5: I justy couldn’t believe he’s the fifth best player in this draft. He was decent at Houston during his freshman year but he’s not great at ay one thing other than having an NFL linebacker-like body. He reminder me of the Hawks’ Cliff Livingston from back in the day. Livinsgton was good, but not 5th pick in the draft good.
Lastly, I hope and pray the Charlotte Hornets draft Brandon Miller. As a Portland resident and Trailblazers fan, we can’t have this guy in our city. He delivered a gun that was used to murder someone and he literally said the other day that Paul George is the GOAT. Plus, I took Alabama in the tourney and he shot like 1-14 vs. San Diego State and killed my NCAA hopes and dreams. Please God, don’t make me suffer through the next five years of Brandon Miller.
Your devoted friend.
The Bad Gambler
