Today was my wife’s birthday and last night I was kinda freaking out because I didn’t know what to get her. So I did what all husbands do when they don’t know what to get their wives. I grabbed my phone and started looking at NBA box scores. I looked at the Blazers box score and was outraged that Dame wasn’t playing in the first game after the All-Star break. The first thought that came to mind was, Dame Time is almost out of time. And then I thought about dinner time and the fact that my wife had been trying to get into a new Portland restaurant for months now.
We had just been hit with 10 inches of snow so as luck would have it, there were a few cancellations. The only problem was the only reservation available was at 10PM and my wife typically likes to be in bed by 9. Still, I thought she might go for it because she’s been trying to get in for so long. Today, when they texted to confirm the reservation, I asked if they had anything earlier and they said they had 4PM available. Hmmm.
There are a lot of important questions to answer in life. Do I want to get married or stay single? Will I be happier loving in the city where I grew up or am I OK with finding a new home? Can I admit that I like Blue Bloods and have watched a few episodes alone, without my mother forcing me to? And then, maybe, the most important question of all… am I a 10PM dinner person or a 4PM dinner person?
If you eat at 10, you have to start drinking at 7 and then you get hungry so you have a little snack, then you snack too much and then you’re not really hungry for dinner and by the time you get there you’re just pissed that you’re being forced to eat at 10. Two hours later you waddle out at midnight and go right to bed. You get up throughout the night to go to the bathroom because you drank too much at dinner and generally feel bloated and horrible in the morning.
If you eat at 4, you’re forced to skip lunch and then, and this is the worst part, when you’re done with dinner and you feel like you’ve had a great night, you get into your car and head for home when suddenly you glance at the clock and realize it’s only 5 fucking 45!! You literally have the entire evening ahead of you but now you’re tired and sad that you’re so old that you eat dinner at 4.
I used to be a 10PM dinner person. Now I fear I am most definitely a 4PM dinner person. I guess I should just accept it and be thankful I’m not a liquid dinner at 3:30PM with a straw person. Do you need a reservation for that style of dining too? I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
