This year’s tourney, more than most years, really has no favorite. Baylor and Auburn were already knocked out of their conference tourneys and both were expected to get #1 seeds. So let’s take a look at a bunch of the teams we’ll be considering if they can be had for fair value.
THE BEST OFFENSIVE TEAMS
Scoring is important. You’ve got to be able to score more points than the other teams to win games. So who has the best offense this year?
Gonzaga: I don’t think this offense is as good as last year’s team with Suggs, Ayiya and Kispert. Those shooters are better. But Nembhard is, in my opinion, the best passer in college basketball (Curbelo is good too but we don’t count amazing passes that end up being turnovers). Holmgren is weird but decidedly good, like a stir fry you don’t want for dinner but end up enjoying nonetheless. Timme seemns slower and whiter. Bolton can score. They just don’t feel dominant this year but they can certainly win it. Note: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that a friend who lives in Spokane told me she doesn’t root for them after Few got the DUI last summer. Not because he got a DUI but because it was one of multiple drinking and driving incidents for Few and the school did nothing about it. And he doesn’t even play for the Raiders! Makes me not like Few anymore. Kenpom Offensive Rating (KPO) #2.
Kentucky: The deepest team in the tourney. The best rebounder in the country. Experienced seniors in Mintz and Grady. Maybe the best shooter in the country in Grady. A coach that knows how to win. Wealthy donors willing to give millions to players’ parents. Wheeler worries me cuz he’s the pt guard and he can’t shoot. Like he really can’t shoot. And Brooks is like Rudy Gay. Super talented and vanishes for entire parts of a season. They can certainly win it all. But what’s the storyline? They win just cuz they’re Kentucky? KPO #4.
Arizona: The most talented players in the country. By far. Mathurin is like a mix of Ben Gordon and a healthy Victor Olidipo. Tubelis is like Sabonis. Terry is a very poor man’s Central Arkansas Scottie Pippin. And Koloko is like… Koloko. The white kid that comes in off the bench is even athletic, like the reincarnation of Jud Buchelor. The point guard just twisted his ankle so that’s a concern. The problem is they’re really young and the former Gonzaga asst hasn’t led a team on his own. Oh, and they almost just lost to Stanford in the Pac 12 tourney. If all three of these teams go for the same amount, Kentucky seems like a safer play but Arizona has the most talent. KPO#7
Duke: Last week I was watching Coach K’s last game and a buddy said, “Why would you watch that? He’s a bully and a total asshole.” Is he? I mean, I have no idea. I always liked him cuz he went to Weber HS and we played Weber when I was in HS. So I liked the Chicago connection. But now? A bully and an asshole? It was like someone told me eating carrots is bad for you. My whole world changed in an instant. Fuck carrots. I hate carrots. From now on, it’s cucumber slices for me. KPO#5
Purdue: We can’t. We just can’t. Can we?
KOP#1
Iowa: I mean, they’re good right. We all have to admit it now. Like admitting you watch the Fugitive every time it comes on AMC (just the part where he looks at the film and saves the kid’s life in Cook County Hospital) I don’t want to admit Iowa is good because I dislike Fran McCafrey but they’re kinda good. KPO#3.
Villanova: They only play 7 but it’s a really good, senior laden 7 guys. I spent my entire childhood dreaming of being a Gillespie-like player. Instead, I was more of the cousin in the Gillespie family who could eact three bowls of pasta at every dinner but still… KPO#8
THE BEST DEFENSIVE TEAMS
Texas Tech: No one plays D like the Red Raiders. And no one has worse hair than their coach. Every time I see him, I’m immediately taken back to Hoop Dreams and William Gates’ St Joe coach Gene Pignatore. They’re in every game. Their offense can be brutal to watch. But they’re in every game. And defense wins in the tourney. KPD#1
Tennessee: Hard to love this team but they’re great defensively and getting better and better offensively. Chandler is a freshman pt guard but they have other seniors. And the color orange is so undervalued in society in general. LPD#3
LSU: Like Texas Tech (and Uconn) few teams play defense as hard or as well as LSU. And their offense is a little easier to watch than Texas Tech. Sure the coach is dirty and the program is under NCAA investigation but we don’t care about that because the NCAA is dirty and should be under investigation. KPD#5
UConn: They play hard. They rebound hard. They drink hard water when they come out of the game. Offensively challenged but getting better. Surprising the ranking is so low but they’re still to 50. KPD#33
Auburn, St. Mary’s, UCLA, Houston, Baylor, Arkansas all rated in the Top 20 defensively.
Enjoy the rest of Championship Week.
